


Five Times Jack Thought He Lost Ianto

by Thraceadams



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M, The Masks Universe, five times fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-19
Updated: 2008-07-19
Packaged: 2017-10-22 19:00:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/241446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thraceadams/pseuds/Thraceadams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>  Just what the title says</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Jack Thought He Lost Ianto

  
   


So, here's my second Torchwood fic :)  I had thought about doing a second round of five for the first one, but then I decided to go with Jack's POV and this was what I came up with.  Hope you like.  As always, please read, enjoy, and fb :)

Five Times Captain Jack Harkness Thought He Lost Ianto Jones

By Buffyanp aka Thrace_adams

Word Count:3655

Date:June 2008

Series:Series Two through Episode 13: Exit Wounds

Pairing: Jack/Ianto

Warnings: None

Summary:Just what the title says

Rating:  R - for sexual talk and some swearing

Spoilers/Disclaimers/Archive:I don’t own Torchwood, Captain Jack, or Ianto Jones – things would be very different if I did.More kissing LOL.What you recognize belongs to RTD and BBC, what you don’t is mine.Don’t sue, I’m a stay at home mom.May be archived at Wereleopard’s Lair and my lj.All others please ask.

Thanks to 

  
[   
](http://buttononthetop.dreamwidth.org/profile)   
[   
**buttononthetop**   
](http://buttononthetop.dreamwidth.org/)   


 for being such a wonderful beta, and writing such wonderful fic herself!

  
  


Jack sat in his office watching yesterday’s CCTV footage of Gwen talking to Rhys.He blinked rapidly, taking several deep breaths, trying to hold his tears at bay.Almost losing Ianto yesterday made him think about the other times he’d almost lost the love of his life, his very long life.

The first time was Ianto’s own fault, but Jack couldn’t blame him, he just couldn’t.Ianto had loved Lisa so much, but what he brought into Torchwood Three wasn’t Lisa and he was just too young and too naïve to understand that, so Jack couldn’t blame him.He also couldn’t ignore the fact that he’d almost lost Ianto to her.When he’d seen her throw Ianto across the room, heard the sickening crunch of his bones under her fingers, Jack’s heart had twisted in his chest and plummeted to his feet.Rage had flooded through him and it was all he could do to keep it under control.

It had felt like hours before he’d been able to get to Ianto when in reality it had only been minutes.Minutes in which he’d sent Tosh upstairs, Owen and Gwen to get weapons, and in which Lisa had killed him – twice.The whole time, in the back of his head, “Please let Ianto be okay,” was screaming through like a freight train.

Then he was pulling Ianto up out of the water and into his arms.The young man was still breathing, thank God, but he was obviously injured.Jack had slapped his face gently, calling his name, but there was no response.In desperation, he had kissed Ianto, transferring some of his lifeforce into him, hoping he would start kissing back.Jack had put everything into that kiss, the anger, the betrayal, the love, everything and then Ianto stirred in his arms.Jack had let the relief show in his eyes, but he had to hide it, he had to shush Ianto and figure out a way to get them all out of there alive.Then and only then would he let his guard down about almost losing Ianto and let relief wash over him.

He glanced up at the screen again as he saw Gwen making her way into the Hub.They’d already had one confrontation yesterday– when she’d refused to Retcon Rhys.He idly wondered why she was storming inside this morning so early.Jack leaned forward and switched the view to the Archives, where he knew Ianto would be hiding.It’s where he always went after a rough mission.Jack knew the Archives were comforting to Ianto, something about the way they smelled.He smiled, Ianto had said something about how the only thing better was 51st Century pheromones.He heard the cog wheel door open and watched as Gwen went over to speak to Tosh, both women glancing up at his office surreptitiously, as if they didn’t think he could see them on CCTV.How far the two of them had come, he remembered another time he’d almost lost Ianto, when those two women had found out there was a man between them, Owen.

Funnily, they had all been discussing who they’d snogged last.Owen had blurted out that his had been Gwen.Jack had looked up and over at that point, suddenly interested in the conversation.He had instinctively known this was going to get ugly and he had put his paperwork down to go and join in.In the hopes of adding some levity to the whole thing, he’d joked about non-human lifeforms.And then his heart had plummeted when Ianto had spoken up, the very thing he had hoped to prevent.Ianto had said his last snog had been Lisa, had made Gwen feel awful.After Gwen and Owen had left to get firewood Ianto had looked at Jack, almost challenging him to say something, but for all his defiance even he couldn’t withstand Jack’s glare.Jack could remember precisely how he’d felt at that moment, the betrayal, anger, pain, washing over him again.He sighed.He’d been so angry, he’d been careless, let Ianto and Tosh go off alone.It had all gone to hell then.

Gwen had been shot; she, Owen, and the boy had all been taken.Jack had ended up torturing the bloke in the basement.But in the end, he’d gotten the information he’d needed and breathing a sigh of relief, he’d been in time, just in time to save all of them.Jack shuddered, closing his eyes at the horrible memory.He’d never forget blasting his way in there and seeing Ianto and that animal with the meat cleaver at his throat.The image of the pure terror on Ianto’s face would be burned into Jack’s memory forever.Jack and Gwen had stayed in there questioning the cannibals.He’d almost put a bullet into the man’s brain, only Gwen had prevented that from happening.As he watched Ianto glance up at the CCTV camera and offer a small smile, Jack felt his protective urges rise again and wished he had put a bullet through that thug’s brain.Ianto had been so beaten, so bloody, and so damned frightened.The bile rose in Jack’s throat just thinking about it.The man had been put into maximum security at Providence Park, but he hadn’t stayed there.Jack had seen to that.He was a janitor at the local constable precinct Retconned to the point of permanent damage.Andy hadn’t said anything when Jack had called in the favor.

Jack saw Gwen making her way up the stairs and couldn’t help the grimace that crossed his face.He had thought that things between them had been sufficiently finished when she left yesterday but from the determined look on her face, that was obviously not the case.Jack clicked a few keys on his keyboard and shut yesterday’s footage down until all that was left was Ianto in the Archives.If he was going to face Gwen, he sure as hell wasn’t doing it alone.

As she entered his office, he schooled his face into his traditional Harkness grin, “So, how’s Rhys this morning?Shoulder feeling okay?”

“Yes, thank you,” she said softly.

“Look,” they both said simultaneously.

Gwen laughed nervously.

Jack ran his fingers through his hair, “You first.”

Gwen smiled, cleared her throat, “Right, yeah.Um about yesterday.I wanted to thank you.”

Jack jerked his head up and stared at her in surprise.

“For letting Rhys keep his memories, I mean,” she said softly.

Jack breathed out a little sigh of relief.This certainly wasn’t the response he had expected, not after the way things had been left yesterday.He smiled at her again, “You’re welcome.”

They looked at each other for a moment, the silence awkward between them.She glanced over at his desk, saw Ianto on the screen and suppressed a smile.“Right, anyway, that’s all.”

“Fine,” he said and went back and sat down behind his desk and she walked out as quickly as she’d come in.

Jack sat back in his chair, feeling his heart start to ease back down to a normal rhythm.He may thrive on adventure but conflict always made his blood pressure rise.He looked at Ianto again on the screen and wondered if Gwen knew - if she had any clue how he’d felt yesterday when that bastard had pulled the trigger on Ianto and the gun had thankfully jammed.Jack thought he knew what fear was - what it felt like, smelled like, tasted like.But now he knew that he had never known, not until yesterday.Yesterday, when Ianto had a gun to his chest and when he’d heard the trigger click at Ianto’s head.

They say your life flashes before your eyes when it’s in danger, they never tell you that when a loved one is in danger *their* life flashes before your eyes.When he’d stepped out from behind that crate and saw that son of a bitch with his gun at Ianto’s chest, hundreds of moments had flashed through his mind.

Ianto in the woods leaning against a tree wearing those fuck-me jeans.Ianto in the sunlight handing him coffee.Ianto stepping out in front of the SUV.Ianto lying on top of him, a hairsbreadth away from kissing him.Ianto punching him and then his own gun at Ianto’s head for the second time that night.The surprised look on Ianto’s face at Jack’s hand on his shoulder right after his own nightmare about those faeries.The flirty look on his face when he brought up the stopwatch that they promptly proceeded to break.The look of shock on his face when Jack returned from the dead which turned quickly to lust when Jack kissed him.The combined look of hurt and hopefulness when Jack said he came back for him.The look of utter love when Ianto had kissed him.The look of complete and unabashed joy and pleasure that night when they made love.

Then it had all blurred into focus on Ianto’s face and the look of utter terror, anger, and then pure determination that had finally settled there.All of that in a fraction of a second and Jack had given up his gun because he couldn’t bear the thought of missing anymore of Ianto’s expressions.Then all hell had broken loose again.The space whale had started to break free about the same time Ianto did.He had seen Ianto go down fighting.Jack had tried to get a shot off but with the space whale thrashing around and Ianto rolling on the floor with the maniac Jack never had a clear shot.His heart had frozen in his chest when he saw the idiot standing over Ianto with the gun.When Jack saw him pull the trigger it was like he was living a nightmare – everything was in slow motion.He could see things happening but he was unable to move, unable to even shout despite the voice in his head yelling, “NOOOOOOO.”

Relief had filled him when he realized the gun had jammed but there were still things to be done.He couldn’t just run over to Ianto and grab him in his arms and snog the breath out of him.He couldn’t run his hands over the younger man’s body making sure he was still alive and okay.No, he’d had to order his lover to get up and chase after the man that had just tried to blow his brains out.Jack had tried to convey his unspoken thoughts through his eyes and from the look Ianto had given him, the younger man had understood, but as Jack had watched him run from the room, he had felt a part of his soul ripping away and going with him.

Jack returned his focus to the screen in front of him and couldn’t help but smile as Ianto bent over to file some folder in a lower drawer.He watched as Ianto straightened up and flashed a knowing grin at the camera.Jack chuckled and shifted in his seat before turning his gaze to the paperwork in front of him.Somewhere, somehow, despite all his best efforts and intentions, he had started falling for the young attractive Welshman.A fact that only made situations like yesterday’s worse.He wondered how many more times he would have to face almost losing Ianto before it became a reality.Jack let out a shuddery sigh as he flipped through the papers on his desk before glancing once more at the screen in front of him.His fingers reached up to trace the outline of his lover on the screen, he could only hope that when losing Ianto did become a reality it was one far into the future.

*****************

Jack glared at the screen in front of him.Two days.Somehow they were all missing two days.The CCTV footage had been deleted, erased, whatever, and his code was the one all the files were verified under.Clearly, he had sent a message to himself that whatever had happened over those two days was best left buried.But he couldn’t help the nagging feeling in the back of his head.

He reached over on his desk and picked up the plastic bag.The one with Adam’s name on it.Jack had no idea who Adam was and neither did Ianto.For some reason though, the name sent a chill down Jack’s spine.He turned the bag over in his hand and then turned around and looked out over the Hub, searching for Ianto.Somehow, the younger man’s diary had ended up in his office.He’d had a good chuckle over the measuring tape entry and couldn’t help but tease his lover about it.Ianto had turned such a lovely shade of pink when he did.

He watched as Ianto took the flowers off Tosh’s desk and walked with them back to the kitchen.Jack knew he was putting fresh water in the vase so the flowers would last as long as they could.When he returned them to their original spot he glanced up at Jack’s office and smiled, before continuing to pick up the rubbish.Jack turned back around.Ianto’s diary wasn’t the only thing that had been out of place, the alien lie detector had been sitting on his desk.Jack flipped the light up on it and it glowed green and suddenly the nagging feeling solidified in his brain.Whatever had happened involved Ianto and it couldn’t have been good.Jack stood up to put the lie detector away and knew deep in his gut that sometime during those lost two days he’d almost lost Ianto again.That somehow, whatever this thing between them was, it had saved him, saved them.As he finished putting the lie detector away, he knew whatever it was that had happened he had gone to an awful lot of trouble to make sure everyone forgot and that there were no triggers.Whatever happened was meant to stay buried.Looking back over the hub and watching Ianto, Jack was almost relieved.Relieved that he wouldn’t remember almost losing Ianto again.

*************************

Jack sat at his desk, bone-weary from the recent events – only a few days for the team, over 2000 years for him.He was working on his Captain’s Blog and Ianto was fixing a shelf behind him.He knew Ianto was just using it as an excuse to be fussy.The shelf had needed fixing for months and Ianto had only shown an interest in the last few minutes.He leaned back in his chair a bit, steepling his fingers under his chin while he thought.He remembered sitting like this a few months back after almost losing Ianto to that idiot carving up the space whale and here he was again, after almost losing Ianto to that prat John Hart and his own brother for fuck’s sake!

When that building had exploded around them and he had felt the ceiling falling on top of him, the last thing he had thought of, the last thing he had seen before everything went black had been Ianto.He had revived to find Gwen and Rhys both there, Rhys freaking out at Jack coming back to life.They had dug Jack out and he had sent them after Tosh while he had run straight for Ianto.He’d gone down there screaming Ianto’s name and had finally found him, buried, just like he had been.Jack had frantically dug him out, Gwen arriving just in time to help Ianto stand up.His shoulder had been dislocated and Jack had dreaded fixing it but had done so.He could still hear Ianto’s scream of pain in his head.He had sent Gwen off to find Owen, but that had only given them a brief moment alone.Jack had asked Ianto if he was okay, still holding onto his arm, patting him on the chest.Then they had to run off and help Rhys pull Tosh out.He’d wanted to do so much more.Once again, he’d found himself wanting to snog Ianto senseless, reassure himself that his lover was still alive, but just as before there was work to do and another life to save.So they had gone and rescued Tosh only to find themselves in a completely different nightmare minutes later.

Jack returned to the present when he felt Ianto reading over his shoulder.He chuckled to himself as he typed the rest of his entry.

 **  
Ianto, I know you’re reading this over my shoulder, pretending to fix that damn shelf. So get over here and take me out somewhere.   
**   


Ianto immediately protested, “Sir, I’m not…”

Jack just laughed, turned and wrapped his arms around his young lover’s waist, burrowing his face into Ianto’s waistcoat.He knew eventually he’d have to tell Ianto what happened, how he’d spent almost 2000 years underground and another hundred cryo-frozen in their own morgue.But he just couldn’t face that now, not after having to put his own brother in the cryo-freezer, not after losing Tosh and Owen.Not after almost losing Ianto to his own brother.

Jack took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that was purely Ianto.Two thousand years he’d spent buried in dirt with only his memories of Ianto, including his scent, to keep him sane.Fortunately, for him, after a while, he hadn’t even regained consciousness when he had revived and he had ended up spending the majority of the time in a dream-like state.And those dreams were full of Ianto, his touch, his coffee, his smell, and the sound he made when Jack was buried inside him.

He’d come back to stare up into the face of his long-lost brother.“I forgive you,” he’d said.He’d given his brother absolution and then accepted responsibility for everything his brother had gone through and frozen him in cryo-sleep.He’d let his brother live even after losing Tosh and Owen to his hands.But through all that, there was one thought that kept popping back up.There was a part of Jack that hated the idea that he couldn’t keep this thought from his mind, but even he would admit that he was only human.The thought was, “I’m glad it wasn’t Ianto.”

He couldn’t help but think it.When he’d woken up staring into Gray’s face, all he’d wanted to do was get to Ianto, make sure he was okay.He’d feared all sorts of horrible things.When he’d realized Gray had wanted to punish him, he had known the most effective way would have been to go after Ianto.Fortunately, Gray hadn’t been that smart.He’d found Ianto in the cells with John and Gwen.And even then he hadn’t been able to give him a proper hello.He’d found himself with an armful of Gwen and he could barely manage a one-armed hug with Ianto.Then they had found Tosh and she had died in his arms.

Over the next few days, the three of them had tried to hold things together, packing up Tosh and Owen’s stuff, logging them out of the computer, helping Cardiff start to rebuild, and grieving.Jack felt Ianto’s hands carding through his hair and he looked up into those gorgeous blue eyes.The Rift was quiet, Gwen was home with Rhys, and there wasn’t anything left for them to do here.

“I meant that,” he said softly.

“Where do you want to go Jack?”

“Your place?”

Ianto smiled, “Then let’s go.”

Jack turned, shut the computer down, slid his arms into the coat Ianto was holding for him and they made their way out of the Hub.They walked in silence back to Ianto’s flat, holding hands.Jack marveled at this since Ianto wasn’t usually one for any type of public display of affection.He figured the events of the past few days must have something to do with it.They got to Ianto’s flat and went inside.Jack hung up his coat and toed off his boots, watched as Ianto did the same.They stood there looking at each other and something inside Jack broke.

H reached out and grabbed Ianto’s wrist.Pulled the younger man into his chest and embraced him.Jack felt the tears beginning to flow down his face and made no effort to stop them.Ianto pulled back and looked at him.

“Jack?Jack?What – what’s wrong?”

Jack’s embrace tightened around Ianto.

“I almost lost you,” he whispered raggedly.“I almost lost you, _again_.”

“Oh, cariad,” Ianto whispered.

He pulled Jack closer, rubbing circles on his back, trying to comfort the older man.

“I’m still here.I’m still here.”

“But one day you won’t be,” Jack whispered.

Ianto chuffed softly, “Well, that won’t be for a long time though, will it?”

Jack looked at him with teary eyes, “Promise?”

Ianto nodded silently, knowing that it was a false promise, but doing it anyway.

Jack took it for what it was - a promise to live as long as possible.As they walked back to Ianto’s bedroom together, stripping clothes as they went, clinging to each other and kissing in desperation, Jack once again wondered how many more times he would survive almost losing Ianto before it actually happened.


End file.
